Wednesday, December 14, 2011

I'm a Loser.

This is random, and hopefully not gloaty-sounding or lame to post. I feel a bit self-conscious about talking weight (it's one of those awkward things like money), but when in doubt, I tend to spill.

Hopefully this won't be as awkward as my Obama post a few years back (*ahem). :)

You see, one of my neighbor/friends Facebooked me and said that she'd just seen me out and was again impressed by how skinny I look (um... seriously? SUPER flattering!) and wanted to know what I did/do to get that way. She's noticed my weight loss and wanted advice so she could do the same.

I was uber-flattered.

Side note: please don't be disappointed when you see me next; I really don't look that smokin'. But this has all been a big part of my life lately, so I'm sharing it. For journaling purposes.

Anyway, this is what I wrote back (excessively wordy, go figure):

My climax of feeling icky and fat, etc, was June 1st. I remember because it was the last day of our quarter at school (I teach adults English), and we had an end-of-quarter class picture. And I was severely disappointed in my pic. I tend to be in denial, thinking I look great... and seeing how not-true that was was the last straw.

So I told Aubrey that I needed to work out (took her up on her standing offer, really), and we did. I made it my goal to work out EVERY DAY (well, minus Sunday- unless we went on a family walk or something). I would run/walk (run as much as I could, which was like 5 minutes at first... it is now more like 30, months later) for 20 minutes at least twice a week. Then I'd do SOMETHING else on the other days. Yoga, an exercise DVD, something. Yoga is super easy sweat-wise, but it really helps my posture and helps me feel fit and sexy. So I'd make sure and work out. Often. It was a big deal, and helped me FEEL tons better as well as lose about 5 lbs. Woot.

Then, in September, I decided I needed to "up" my game. I downloaded the MyFitnessPal app on my phone (it is available online too, free as well, at if you don't have a smart phone; having it on your phone is significantly easier to do, though).

Anyway, MyFitnessPal is a calorie/workout calculator. I know you said you hate counting calories, and I always swore I would NEVER do it. But oh. my. gosh. It totally worked. I realized initially that so many things were WAY more calories than I ever had realized. I also realized that I snacked far too much. Then I got things under control... and was hungry. Quite a bit. For a few days. So I figured out how to eat things that were higher fiber, higher protein, etc, so I would feel fuller longer. Turns out if you eat healthy stuff- you can eat TONS more of it! So that helped. It was an adjustment, but once I figured it out (which really wasn't that long later) it was honestly pretty easy!

So that's what I do now. Well, what I SHOULD do now. The biggest thing is the calorie counting. Apparently weight loss really IS just a mathematical thing. Eat less, burn more. And having the app to do it makes my life mostly stress free. And the control freak in me actually kinda thrives on it.

So I try to run once or twice a week. For 30 minutes now (start small, then increase a month or so later). I also try to go to Zumba once a week (this kicks my butt). And while I suck lately at squeezing in other stuff, I'm trying to re-incorporate that... like Yoga in the morning or shoveling snow or something. And then I track what I eat. The more I exercise, the more I can eat. So that's good incentive. I try to eat like 200-300 calorie meals so that at the end of the day, I have calories to use for junk. :) Probably not smart, but I seriously love late-night snacking... and I seriously love ice cream and pie and candy. So I still eat it. The real stuff. Just less, and only when I can "afford" it.

Wow. See why I couldn't type that all from my phone? :) Sorry it's so long. I just want to be thorough and hopefully as helpful as I can be. Don't beat yourself up if you suck at it at first. Just tell your body "thank you" and "good job" and be glad you're not on the couch eating a brownie sundae. Anything counts.

You are gorgeous already. Really. But being more healthy is a fantastic goal (and feels super great). So good luck. And good for you.


PS. After I started doing the MyFitnessPal thing (counting calories), I started dropping pounds like crazy! I lost like 10 lbs in a month or something wild. I have now lost a total of like 20 (!!) lbs. We'll see if it stays off, but now I feel like it's in my control. I like control.

There's my testimony. :)

Okay, chao.

There you go. My weight-loss story, lol. I honestly do feel (and hopefully look) so much better now. It's like I'm now the right size for my body. Know what I mean? Before I wasn't nasty-fat or anything, I just wasn't "me." I feel much more "me" now... and much less inhibited by my out-of-shape body. It's pretty sweet.

And so is pie.

Thursday, December 8, 2011


My house is quiet, except for the occasional clink-clink-clink of LEGOs coming from the back room. My kids are playing together. And I'm enjoying some marvelously peaceful alone time.

I ostracized them to the back room. I told them they were to play in either James' or Jolie's room, and I counted to five. I'm a good mom like that.

I just need them to realize that they can have fun and be happy without clinging to my pant legs. They tend to hover. And lots of times I don't mind it (except when I'm trying to cook; then it drives me nuts). But they both seemed restless and bored but were doing nothing about it. So I sent them away.

I wasn't angry or punishing them. Just directing their play. And they seem to be happy. It's been quiet and nice. No one's cried so far. Not even me.

I love it when they play well together. And lately- 'lately' meaning the past several months- they've done so fairly consistently. They're at a wonderful age to be perfect playmates. Jolie takes direction from James (which he gladly offers), and they'll play contently for hours.

It's wonderful for me.

What have I been doing this morning while they've played? Well... I've sat in the living room and relished in the Christmas atmosphere. I've painted my nails- several coats, even. I've checked Facebook. I've talked to Derek (on the phone; he's headed up to school). I'm blogging (gasp- I know). It's seriously been great.

A lot of my friends are pregnant or wanting to be. And although I'm super excited for those who are having or wanting to have newborns, I really am glad that I'm not. Life is really great right now, really easy most of the time. The kids are old enough to run errands with me and flexible enough to let me push them a bit past naptime or even lunchtime. They're getting to be quite independent and able to do a bunch of things by themselves. I can communicate with them, and they with me. It's nice around here.

I'm content.

And while I'm not ruling out the possibility of another child someday, I'm really happy to be just the four of us right now.

Sometimes life is just good. That 'sometimes' is right now.

(Note: This time the silly play was directed by Jolie.)

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

From the Mouths of Babes

This happened about 4.2 minutes ago. I had just gotten out of the shower and was putting lotion on my face, when Jolie walked in. She got down on her knees and folded her arms and said, "Mommy, a pair?" "You wanna say a prayer?" I replied. She nodded. "Hess." Uh... sure... okay.

So I got down on my knees next to her and folded my arms. Prayers thus far with her have been more of the say-and-repeat variety, but this time she just took off. No prompting necessary. This is what she said (translation to follow):

"Dear. A Fadder,
Tay-too Daddy coal.
Ike-Oh in-eh gun.
A name. Day-dus.


Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for Daddy's school.
Michael is gone.
In the name of Jesus Christ,

This girl seriously melts my heart.

PS. "Hess" is her new, adorable way of saying "Yes." I love it. It makes me happy every time.

PS#2. She must have noticed that Daddy has been stressed about school as of late.

And PS#3. She really misses Michael. She tells me he is gone and not at Grandma's house at least once a day, and always with a frown. :(